apple of his eye
by usedtoromanticize
Summary: When Sebastian first met the blue-eyed boy, he was lying in the grass, flowers in his hair and still as a statue. Sebastian was tempted to poke him to see if he was alive.


**I've been having some writers block with 40 Days of Dating, and this came to be instead...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee**

**Warning: Character death**

* * *

When Sebastian first met the blue-eyed boy, he was lying in the grass, flowers in his hair and still as a statue. Sebastian was tempted to poke him to see if he was alive.

It was strange. This porcelain-skinned boy was sprawled out in the middle of the unusually secluded park, motionless as of that moment. He looked so peaceful and serene that Sebastian almost didn't want to disturb him. _Almost._

Just as Sebastian was approaching him, his eyes fluttered open and he sat up, seeming slightly disoriented. He brushed a few stray pieces of grass from his chestnut hair and looked up at Sebastian, just then noticing that he was no longer alone.

"Oh, hello."

Sebastian just stared at him for a moment before he realized that he was probably coming off as rude. But really, what was one to say in a situation like this? He decided to go with the classic, "Um, hi."

The other boy flicked some more grass off his clothes before standing and holding out his hand. Sebastian reached forward to shake it, but the other boy seemed to have other ideas. He took Sebastian's hand in his own before turning and starting to walk.

"Uh…where are we going?" Sebastian asked dubiously. He wasn't sure he should be walking off with strangers, especially when he didn't even know his name. But the boy's hand was soft and warm in his so he held on and walked.

"Well, you'll see when we get there, won't you?"

A surprised chuckle escaped Sebastian at the unexpected show of recalcitrance. So he let the strange boy lead him further into the park, where there was a scene that appeared to be straight out of a fairytale. The grass was tall and lush, with wildflowers dispersed throughout the clearing, filling the air with their sweet, intense fragrance. The grass was framed by patches of lofty trees, providing a cool shade that would be perfect to lounge in. There was absolutely no sign of any other people, and there was a noticeable absence of the raucous but familiar sounds of the city. The only sounds that permeated the vicinity were the melodies of unseen birds.

The boy released Sebastian's hand, and he suddenly missed the brief era of warmth. He was sitting down in the grass, grinning up at Sebastian with a brilliant smile that made his heart stutter for a second, and patting the soft grass beside him.

"Lay with me."

And he looked so strikingly beautiful in the beaming sunlight with his elf-like features and that bright, warm smile, and the small purple flowers in his hair that looked like they were from this very meadow, that Sebastian was captivated and suddenly forgot about time and the city and his life and, well, everything. So he lolled back on the grass beside him and listened as he pointed out shapes in the clouds and stole little glances at the stunning boy and the little moment stretched on for what seemed like hours and it was wonderful.

.:.:.

It wasn't until the next day, long after he had returned to his apartment, that it occurred to Sebastian that he had never asked the boy's name, and the boy hadn't asked his. He wasn't even sure he would see that boy again as he returned to his busy life in the city that never sleeps.

And maybe that just made him unreasonably upset. He definitely loved his life; it was just that he couldn't have a break from the fast-paced life very often and a bit of variety felt nice. Like the boy's hand cradled in his. And maybe Sebastian returned to the clearing where he met the boy and the meadow of wildflowers each day for two weeks, but he never saw the boy with flowers in his hair staring at the sky with wonder in his eyes and that bright smile.

.:.:.

He did eventually see the boy again, but not where he thought he would. A month had passed since the day in the meadow, and Sebastian almost didn't recognize the other boy.

The green-eyed boy had been sitting in his favorite coffee shop, a quaint little building tucked between a bookstore and a small bakery that had the most delicious muffins and scones. It definitely wasn't a well-known place, but it was cozy and relatively calm and the coffee was just right and Sebastian loved it.

Sebastian would have completely missed him, as the boy just walked in, quietly spoke his order and paid, and was in the process of walking out when Sebastian's mind clicked. That voice that had spoken a total of ten words to him was so familiar, even though it was basically unknown, but Sebastian still recognized it in an instant.

He shot out of his seat, nearly knocking over the worn wooden chair in his haste, and basically ran toward the boy walking to the door.

"Wait!" Sebastian shouted. He received a few shushing sounds and dirty looks from other customers, but it was worth it when the chestnut-haired boy he'd seen once a month before turned and grinned at him with _that_ brilliant smile. He looked worlds apart from the way he had in the clearing; his brown hair was coifed perfectly, bereft of wildflowers, and he was dressed elegantly in thick layers to accommodate him to the rapidly decreasing temperatures. And yet he was just as beautiful as he had been while he had laid in the meadow beside Sebastian, and Sebastian would have regretted it every day if he didn't say something, so he did.

"Um, hi."

.:.:.

Sebastian did eventually learn the boy's name: Kurt. He liked to say the name. He liked the way it sounded, and he liked it even more when the boy, _Kurt,_ said his own name and how it sounded so sweet and perfect when it came from Kurt.

They enjoyed each other's presences a lot. It was getting too cold to lie in the grass and stare at clouds, but they still went to the meadow. Sometimes Kurt would pluck what remaining wildflowers there were and gently insert them in Sebastian's hair as he laughed and compared him to an elf or a forest nymph or some other occult creature.

Other days they would sip coffee and discuss music and books and their life stories. Or Kurt would take Sebastian to some place just outside the city that Sebastian hadn't even known existed, but they were just as beautiful as the meadow on the first day and they wiled away their time like it didn't matter.

.:.:.

It was one of those days that they spent in a park. It wasn't the one he had first met Kurt in; this one was bustling with people. They were sitting on a wooden bench, bundled up in their winter clothes and watching other people as they carried on with their everyday lives. They did this often, sometimes making up wild stories about other people's lives, sometimes just talking about anything and everything, and other times just sitting in silence and enjoying each other's presence.

Sebastian had brought apple-cinnamon muffins from the bakery by the coffee shop. Kurt had practically moaned around the first bite and demanded to know where he had purchased such 'scrumptious chunks of heaven'.

At the moment, they were both observing a young couple with a large dog. A short, brunette girl was sitting in the snow that blanketed the ground laughing as the dog licked her face. The boy was watching her with clear affection in his eyes, so much that Sebastian felt like he was interrupting an important moment and looked away.

"It seems to me that she's his apple," Kurt remarked, breaking the silence. His lips curved into a soft smile as he watched the couple.

Sebastian glanced at him in confusion. Of course by now, he was used to Kurt and his strange sayings and all his quirky little habits that Sebastian secretly adored. "His apple?"

The grin widened as Kurt nodded. He leaned back into the bench and turned to face Sebastian, eyes bright and thoughtful. In that moment, Sebastian decided this Kurt was his favorite, with his eyes shining like the sea and beaming at him with _that smile_. An indescribable warm feeling would bubble up inside him and it felt like everything would be okay, even if it was just for that single instant.

Kurt's sweet, soft voice brought him out of his brief reverie. "Yes, she's his apple. You know, like he cherishes her above all else. The apple of his eye."

Sebastian chuckled, "I don't think that's how the expression is normally used."

Shrugging, Kurt replied. "I don't think I'm all that normal."

"Yeah, neither do I," replied Sebastian, "But in the best way."

Kurt gave Sebastian _that smile_ again and Sebastian's face lit up to mirror it. And suddenly it felt like the sun was shining brighter and the sky was bluer and everything was brighter and better than before.

.:.:.

Spring washed through the world like paint spreading on a canvas, bringing color and life to the world. Snow melted, flowers bloomed, and birds chirped cheerfully everywhere.

Sebastian loathed the season. Sure, it was nice that it was warming up again, but spring meant pollen and allergies. It was the worst: runny noses, itchy throats, watery eyes, and endless sneezing. But it was kind of worth the suffering when Kurt started calling him up to go to _their_ meadow again so they could find teddy bears in the clouds and put the newly sprouted purple flowers in their hair.

And when he felt so terrible and sick that he couldn't bear to go outside, Kurt was there with his beautiful, heart-warming smile and a massive bowl of chicken noodle soup. Sebastian was grateful for something hot to drink, since he couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. He even let Kurt badger him into watching Moulin Rouge with him _again_ (in roughly half a year, Kurt had bullied Sebastian into viewing the film at least four times. On the bright side, they had their singing and harmonies down perfectly).

"I still don't completely understand why you like this movie so much," Sebastian commented as he tossed another tissue into his nearly overflowing trash bin; it was piled up with a towering heap of tissues. Kurt was tucked against his side eating popcorn; rarely got sick, an ability that Sebastian was endlessly jealous of. He did look quite tired sometimes, but didn't everyone?

"I love the songs, as you can probably already tell. And it's one of the greatest love stories ever." Kurt responded without looking up.

"It's just like any other rushed love story," Sebastian pointed out, "He 'falls in love' with her the moment he sees her. And she only wants him because she thinks he's rich. And then she suddenly 'falls in love' too just because they sang a song and danced."

Kurt was shaking his head in disagreement for about half of Sebastian's monologue. "Love is a relative term; it's different for everyone. Maybe it does just start out as infatuation and being in love with the idea of a person, but you can see them actually falling in love. But you can just tell. You can see it in the way they look at each other, it's almost tangible. You can practically feel the connection they share."

Sebastian nodded thoughtfully. He remembered that day in the park so many months ago. The girl playing with the dog, and the boy gazing at her with sheer adoration. He focused on the movie again.

"They're each others' apples," Sebastian deduced, remembering the description that Kurt had used that day.

"Exactly."

Then Kurt glanced at him and there was _that smile, _and he stayed over that night, cuddled against Sebastian's chest as they slept, and Sebastian felt like he understood Christian and Satine a little bit better.

.:.:.

"How did you even find this place?"

They were sitting in their meadow again. Sebastian had brought a picnic, and they were sitting in the grass (Kurt liked the grass too much to sit on a blanket, and Sebastian had joined him) eating sandwiches.

"I was wandering around and just came across it."

It wasn't really what Sebastian had been asking, but he supposed it didn't particularly matter. The sky was clear and cloudless and intensely azure that day, close to the hue of Kurt's eyes, Sebastian noted, though not nearly as stunning.

Kurt was collecting the purple flowers again, tucking a few into Sebastian's and his own hair like he always did. He then sank down to lie on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows and crossing his ankles in the air. "Tell me something about you that you've never told anyone else."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him. "Like what?"

"Anything," Kurt shrugged.

He thought for a moment before responding. "I get really worried about the future sometimes. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I know my parents expect me to join the family tradition of being a lawyer, but I don't want to do that."

"What do you want to be?" Kurt inquired.

"Maybe a writer or a journalist. I've always loved writing."

They were silent for a brief period of time, both pondering their own thoughts. Then Sebastian said, "Now you tell me something no one knows about _you_."

Kurt grinned cheekily, "I ate my roommate's last chocolate bar this morning and she thinks our cat ate it."

Sebastian stared at him for a long moment before suddenly bursting out laughing. And then Kurt was smiling _that smile_ and thenthey were both laughing, and they were clutching their stomachs and just so, so joyful.

.:.:.

Kurt flounced into Sebastian's apartment early one September morning, bearing a basket of muffins. "Do you know what today is?"

Sebastian looked up from where he was making waffles. "Um… Thursday?"

"Well, yes. But the date!" Sebastian stared at him blankly, and panicked a little when Kurt's face fell. "It's the one year-aversary of the day we met! We have officially been friends for one year. I brought apple-cinnamon muffins to celebrate!"

So they ate their muffins and Kurt tried (but failed for the first time) to make him watch Moulin Rouge again and went to the tiny coffee shop between the bookstore and the bakery.

.:.:.

It was a few weeks past the anniversary of the day they had met when Sebastian started noticing the first changes. Looking back, there should have been red flags for trouble, but he hadn't though anything of it at the time.

For instance, Kurt had started catching viruses more often. It wasn't uncommon to have strong allergies or a cold or the flu; it happened to everyone. But the thing was that Kurt had rarely gotten sick before. It was strange that he was catching so many infections over the past month.

Also, Sebastian had playfully punched Kurt on the shoulder one day, though it was hardly more than a forceful nudge, and found a bruise there the next day. Kurt insisted that he had accidentally bumped his shoulder against a doorframe or something. Sebastian had let it go, but found himself being more careful about touching Kurt in any way.

The weather had started cooling again; summer had flown by and autumn was giving way to the bitter cold of winter. Kurt and Sebastian frequently slept over at each other's apartments, but Sebastian hadn't noticed anything strange until then.

He was roused from his sleep by shifting from the other person in the bed. Sebastian rubbed the weariness from his eyes. "Kurt?"

The other boy didn't respond, so Sebastian turned on his bedside lamp. He was confused when he noticed sheen of sweat shining on Kurt's fair skin. It was strange, considering it was well below sixty degrees outside, and it was pretty chilly inside his apartment as well.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian asked tentatively, "Are you hot?"

Kurt gave him a weak smile and retorted, "Well I wouldn't consider myself _hot_, but I am pretty attractive if I say so myself."

Sebastian chuckled unsurely. He could hear the fatigue and slight rasp in Kurt's voice. "Are you sick? I can call a doctor or something if you want…"

Kurt shook his head. "I'm fine. It's just…I just need to cool off a bit."

He pushed himself up off the bead, giving Sebastian a reassuring smile before heading to the bathroom. Sebastian's brow creased with worry, but he'd been staring at the bathroom door for about twenty minutes now and he was pretty exhausted and sleep soon overcame him.

.:.:.

It wasn't until Kurt collapsed while they were strolling through the city that Sebastian realized the extent of the situation. He gathered Kurt in his arms, hailed a taxi, and brought him to the hospital.

Kurt was unconscious for what seemed like a lifetime, and Sebastian couldn't stop worrying because _what was wrong with him?_ Was it serious? Was he just tired out? Did something happen? Worst case scenarios were popping into his mind before he could stop them.

Then the doctor walked into the room and Sebastian could just feel the air of pity and he _hated_ it. He didn't want or need pity. He needed to know that Kurt was alright.

"Is he going to be okay? What happened?" Sebastian demanded urgently.

The man's eyebrows shot up. "You mean he didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what? Does he have chronic fainting or something because I've known him for over a year and I've never seen him faint before…"

"Oh, you really don't know…" The doctor was saying, and there was that pity again, but it was rolling off him in waves so strong that they were almost tangible. And the nurses behind him were whispering to one another and giving Sebastian sad looks and it was just making him anxious and afraid and _he really just needed to know._

"Just tell me!" He stipulated, absolutely loathing their pitying eyes.

"Kurt…" the doctor started but paused, like he didn't know how break the news, whatever it was. But Sebastian didn't care _how_ he said it, he just needed him to say it.

"…Kurt has leukemia."

And the world came crashing down.

.:.:.

_Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep._

The steady sound of the heart monitor filled the otherwise silent room. Tension was thick, and neither boy could figure out how to break it.

Sebastian sat beside Kurt's hospital bed, his head in his hands, not looking up. Kurt was staring at him with wide, concerned eyes. He'd awakened several hours ago. He had been unconscious for about a day and a half.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sebastian finally whispered. His voice sounded so raw and broken that it made Kurt's blue eyes water and Sebastian panicked on the inside when he noticed because Kurt just looked so miserable and he hated it. "Please don't cry, it's okay that you didn't tell me. You don't have to tell me things if you don't want to!"

Kurt shook his head vigorously, sniffling and wiping his eyes. "It's not that I didn't want to tell you. I did. I just…I didn't think it would come back. And though it did, I didn't want you to look at me differently."

"I wouldn't have! You're still Kurt to me. You're sweet, beautiful, slightly crazy Kurt who loves rom coms and apples and purple wildflowers and long walks in the park. That wouldn't have changed."

A bitter laugh escaped Kurt as he said, "But it would! I know you don't mean to, but you're doing it right now. You're looking at me with pity, and I can't stand it. Everyone does it, even if they don't mean to.

You don't understand. Literally every person that knew that I had leukemia would give me that pitying look and basically pat my head and tell me everything would be okay. And I eventually went into remission but I knew there was a chance it would come back.

But then it didn't return for so long and you came into my life and I really, really believed that everything would turn out okay. And it was so perfect and all the time I've spent with you is the most fun I've had since…well, since a long time ago. And I thought maybe I could have my happy ending that I never thought I could ever be even close to attaining. And it's all because of you."

Sebastian had to take a few moments to breathe so that _he_ wouldn't start crying. He had to be strong. "I'm so glad that I could make you happy Kurt. You're such an amazing person…you deserve the best. I just…I just wish I could have done something more for you."

Kurt shook his head again, "You already have. You're the one person that I can be myself with and do stupid things with and you wouldn't judge me or look at me weird. You would just play along and let me put flowers in your hair and drink coffee and talk about books with me. That's more than I've had from…well, anyone, really. And I have to thank you for that. Thank you so much, Sebastian, really."

"You're not saying your goodbyes."

"I'm going to have to eventually."

"No. No!" Sebastian's voice was growing hysterical. He took Kurt's hands in his. It reminded him of that first day, when he'd reached out to shake Kurt's hand and Kurt had held his hand and led him to the meadow. "You're not saying your goodbyes. Not now. You're going to make it, I swear to God you will."

Kurt was starting to look sad again. He whispered, "Please don't do that. Don't try to convince me that I'll get better. And please, _please_, don't give yourself false hope. Because that's really all you're doing when you say that."

"I'm not just saying it. You are going to make it through this."

"Sebastian. Stop, please."

"I don't get it. How can you just give up all hope?" Sebastian asked exasperatedly. "You have never been one to quit. At anything."

"I'm not _giving up_ anything. I know how these stories end, Sebastian, and I'm pretty sure you do, too. My chances of going into remission were low, and so was the probability of it coming back. Do you know the odds of going into remission a second time? No? Well, they're not high. I'm not going to give _myself_ false hope because I know there is none. And you shouldn't either."

"How can you even say that? So what? You're just giving up on everything now?"

"I told you how it is. I've gone through this all before. Whether you choose to believe it or not is your choice, but I suggest you do."

Sebastian stared at him sadly, not knowing what more he could say.

"I think you need to leave," Kurt finally murmured softly.

And so he did.

.:.:.

He went back to see Kurt the next day; he just couldn't stay away. It was painful to see Kurt like that, and he couldn't even fathom what Kurt must be experiencing. He'd been losing a lot of weight and was constantly exhausted; he could hardly move or speak for most of the time Sebastian was there.

Sebastian brought him apple-cinnamon muffins from the bakery next to the coffee shop. Kurt hadn't had much of an appetite lately, but he managed to smile and nibble at the pastry.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you yesterday," he finally mumbled.

"You shouldn't be. You're right. _I'm_ sorry. Sebastian, I—"

"Let's not do this. Can we just agree to…make the most of what we have?"

And then _that smile_ was back and it made Sebastian's world a little brighter than before, even in such a dark time.

.:.:.

A week later, the sky was particularly cloudy and Sebastian thought about how he and Kurt would have laid in the soft, lush grass of their meadow where Kurt had taken him the first day they met, back when they hadn't even known each other's names.

That day, Sebastian had visited that very clearing to pick what was left of the purple wildflowers to bring for Kurt. Maybe he could even get another breathtaking smile from Kurt if he wasn't too tired.

He had been visiting Kurt for as long as he could every day, and he was visibly getting worse. Neither of them ever wanted to think about it, but they knew their time together would be ending very soon. They just didn't know how soon. Sebastian refused to think about it at all. He also refused to let himself cry about it because that would mean accepting the loss, and he hadn't lost yet; _they_ hadn't lost yet.

But when he walked into Kurt's hospital room that day, a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand, it felt like his own heart had stopped.

In the place of the steady beeping of the heart monitor, was the monotonous tone of a flat line.

The doctor turned from the heart monitor with that terrible pitying look in his eyes, but Sebastian didn't even notice because all he could think of was Kurt and this was _his Kurt _and he couldn't be gone, he just couldn't because they hadn't stared at enough clouds or drank enough coffee or eaten enough muffins and _everything just wasn't enough._

He dropped the flowers and rushed to Kurt's bedside, grasping his hands like a lifeline that wasn't there. The now familiar warmth was gone; his hands were cold and lifeless.

"No," Sebastian shook his head in disbelief. He could feel the tears prickling in his eyes. No. _No._

This couldn't be happening. Not to Kurt. Not his Kurt. Not his wonderful Kurt who likes people watching and walking in the park and talking to strangers and hold hands and _just no._

Sebastian was startled to feel a firm hand clasping his shoulder and he turned to see the doctor staring at him with what looked like sympathy but he couldn't tell through his tear-blurred eyes.

"I'm sorry," the man said.

But sorry wouldn't bring his sweet, beautiful Kurt back; nothing would. Nothing was enough.

"…he was my apple," Sebastian whispered.

The doctor looked at him strangely, but thankfully left the room, saying something about allowing Sebastian to say his final goodbyes.

And that's when he let the tears loose. They streamed down his face and dripped on the hospital bed and he sobbed and choked on his driveling words and he just couldn't deal with this. He was shaking as sobs racked his body because his Kurt, _his apple_, was gone and he had never even said it to him.

He kneeled by the bedside, breathing soft, reverent kisses against Kurt's cold hands and the porcelain skin of his cheeks and forehead. Sebastian could feel the eyes of the nurses on his back, but he paid them no attention.

Eventually, they had to tell him to _please hurry up_, but in the nicest way to say that to someone whose close friend, what were they even?, was just _gone._

And so he picked up the purple wildflowers with shaky hands and brought them to where Kurt laid. He arranged them in Kurt's hair like a crown, or a halo. He did always think Kurt looked like an elfin prince or an angel.

And when he stepped back to give Kurt one last look, an overwhelming wave of sadness and loss overcame him. He hadn't realized it before, and it felt twisted to be viewing it like that, but now he couldn't unsee it.

Kurt looked just like he had when Sebastian had first laid eyes on him so long ago.

He was lying down, flowers in his hair, and still as a statue. Except there was no grass and he wouldn't be sitting up and taking Sebastian's hand and leading him to a gorgeous meadow without even telling him his name. And Sebastian wouldn't find him in his favorite coffee shop between the bookstore and the bakery a month later and get his name and number and constantly enjoy his presence and talk to him and laugh with him and fall in love with him.

Because Kurt, _the apple of his eye_, was gone, now. Maybe he was in a better place. Sebastian hoped so.

.:.:.

The next day, Sebastian went to their meadow. Winter had been creeping in, and the wildflowers were gone. A fine layer of frost coated what remaining grass there was. He laid down anyways and stared at the cloudless sky, which still wasn't as blue as those eyes, and the sun would never shine nearly as bright as _that smile._


End file.
